Tuesday was an awful day and i spent most of it dealing with the symptoms of my depression, bi-polar mania, and my ocd. i spent two hours changing outfits over and over again which was triggered by not being able to find my raincoat. Then i began to feel as if life wasn’t worth living because of how stifled i am by my conditions and how i’ve been reacting to the new medication i have been taking.
My mind has been racing all day and i still can’t focus, i’ve been procrastinating more than i ever have in my life and the last two and a half years of my life are a blur at this point. All i can remember is pain and i am tormented by memories and the day to day menotony of everyday life. I can’t sit at home and relax because my brother endlessly talks to me about nothing but negativity, I can’t be around my friends because they’ve all changed since highschool ended, and i can’t find anything for just me because everything i love always get consumed by the world and i am left to find meaning in emptiness
Everyday i want to die. I just want to end it all because there is no escape. I just don’t see the point of existence. anyway.. i’m going to go eat oatmeal.